Print this section out or keep it on your phone. Everything you need to know.
Props Checklist
Check these off as you acquire them. Don't leave anything to the last minute.
Filming
Camera Positions
Assign these BEFORE the burst-in. Film 16:9 horizontal. Keep the room well-lit.
CAMERA 1 — MOST IMPORTANT
Kellen Cam
One person LOCKED on Kellen's face the entire time. This is the money shot. His reactions are everything. Do NOT leave this post.
CAMERA 2
Wide Shot
Someone capturing Bird and Boom from a wider angle. Gets the entrance, the red carpet, the suitcase reveal.
CAMERA 3 — OPTIONAL
Roamer
Catches crowd reactions, details, the laptop screen, the contract signing. Freelance this one.
The ESPN Moment — Critical
During the pitch deck, there's a cue slide that says "ALT-TAB TO ESPN-CHUMLEE.html NOW." When you hit this slide, say "The media has already picked this up, Kellen. Look at this." Then alt-tab to the ESPN browser tab. Scroll through the homepage. Click into an article. Show the comments. Click ESPN+ for the 30 for 30 announcement. Let Kellen take it all in. Then alt-tab back to the deck.
Timeline
How It Goes Down
BEFORE THE PARTY
Stage Everything
Pre-load laptop with presentation (slideshow mode). Open ESPN-CHUMLEE.html in a browser tab. Stage the golden suitcase with Whataburgers somewhere hidden. Hide the oversized check and contract folder. Brief camera operators. Assign someone to text Bird & Boom when Kellen arrives.
T + 0:00
Kellen Arrives
Someone texts Bird & Boom. Let Kellen settle in for 10-15 minutes. Get comfortable.
T + 15:00
THE BURST-IN
Bird & Boom enter in full agent mode. Dark suits, sunglasses, earpieces. "Target acquired. Chumlee is in the building."
T + 17:00
The Pitch Begins
Escort Kellen to a chair. Open the laptop. "What you're about to see is classified. Level 5 clearance." Run through the full 18-slide deck (~15 min).
T + 25:00
ESPN Moment
Alt-tab to ESPN. "The media already picked this up." Browse the fake site. Click into articles. Show the comments. Show ESPN+. Alt-tab back to deck.
T + 30:00
The Offer
"The Houston Rockets would like to formally offer you... A GUARANTEED CONTRACT... FOR FORTY-FOUR MILLION DOLLARS." Hand Kellen the contract. Point to where he signs.
T + 32:00
The Reveals
Golden suitcase full of Whataburgers. Oversized check. "Pay to the order of KELLEN CHUMLEE." Everyone cheers. Cake comes out.
T + 35:00
Party Time
"Ladies and gentlemen... the newest member of the Houston Rockets... KELLEN CHUMLEE!" Collect all footage. #ChumleeSZN
Tips for Maximum Comedy
Play it straight. The funnier you are about being serious, the funnier it gets. Never break character.
Let the laughs breathe. When people are laughing, WAIT. Don't talk over the laughs.
React to your own slides. When you see the 4-inch vertical, look at each other and nod like it's impressive.
Touch the earpiece. Keep saying things like "Copy that" to nobody.
The gambling section = an intervention. Get genuinely concerned.
The Rudy T moment = emotional. One of you should look like you're about to cry.
The suitcase reveal = physical comedy. Milk it. Open it slowly.
Kellen's reaction is everything. If he's laughing too hard to sign, that's perfect. Wait.
Cheat Sheet
Key Lines & Beats
You don't need to memorize anything. Just hit these beats and stay in character.
The Entrance
"Target acquired. Chumlee is in the building."
"The trade deadline is in 47 minutes."
"We've been authorized by the Houston Rockets to make you an offer."
Opening the Laptop
"What you're about to see is classified. Level 5 clearance."
"If anyone in this room leaks this to ESPN, we will find you."
"Kellen... we'd like to present to you... your future."
During the Deck
Stay in character. Dead serious. Reverent.
Read key stats out loud. React to them like they're impressive.
"Kellen, we need to address the elephant in the room."(gambling section)
"Don't take OUR word for it. Let's hear from the people who know."(before hype reel)
"The media has already picked this up, Kellen. Look at this."(ALT-TAB to ESPN)
"They said you couldn't do it. LOOK at what they said."(doubters slide)
The Offer
"The Houston Rockets would like to formally offer you..."
"A GUARANTEED CONTRACT..."
(together) "FOR FORTY-FOUR MILLION DOLLARS."
Hand him the contract, point to where he signs
The Suitcase & Check
"As a signing bonus..."(open suitcase dramatically)
"That's a suitcase full of Whataburgers, Kellen. You've earned this."
"Pay to the order of KELLEN CHUMLEE. Forty-four million dollars."
The Finale
"Ladies and gentlemen... the newest member of the Houston Rockets... KELLEN CHUMLEE!"
Everyone cheers, cake comes out, party kicks off
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